apathetic-revenant:

can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding. 

millennial-review:

shock:

shock:

love that ubereats calls food delivery “couriers” like it’s some drastic perilous journey to bring me my sandwich

Benny shot me in the head for a chicken ranch sub now it’s my mission to kill him dead

jaclcfrost:

jaclcfrost:

the real secret to immortality? not dying. you want to be immortal? ok. easy. just don’t die. that’s it. refuse to die. there you go

“but how” you may ask. easy. just don’t do it. refuse to. say no thanks

cocohoof:

cocohoof:

the new and improved ouija board will now have emojis on it

me: is anyone there…
ghost: -slaps my hand over to the 😂-

Hey, this post may contain sexually explicit content, so we’ve hidden it from public view.

Learn more.

meloetta:

emosad420:

meloetta:

my bf texted me a picture of a mysterious big black roach looking bug on the floor and hasn’t answered me since… rip

dam u think that roach givin him the succ?

spideyandstark:

peter: iron man

peter: iron man

peter: does whatever an

peter: iron can

peter: does he rust?

peter: yes he does

peter: and once he watched me

peter: turn to dust—

tony: [microphone crashing, muffled screaming]

exhales-loudly:

queen-of-hearts92:

princesszeldaz:

I really like the way Sakurai said he didn’t include BOTW Princsss Zelda “because she prefers her studies instead of fighting” because it implies that every other Princess Zelda is 100% ready to Throw Down

So if BOTW Zelda could speak to the other Zeldas it would boil down to:

BOTW Zelda: What should I do to resolve this?

Literally every other Zelda:

That’s why the goddess would never talk to Zelda because she’s a fucking square

rosebeaches:

being an adult is just… calling people that’s literally it… just calling people you don’t want to call about problems you don’t want to have to be solving.. it’s disgusting